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Holy Motors energy—sex-dating’s performative as hell. You’re flexing pics, bio’s a sales pitch—“not here for drama,” lol, sure. I’m stoked when it clicks—sparks, banter, maybe a “let’s take this offline.” But the catfishes? Piss me off—AI’s better at spotting ‘em than me. “Who’s driving this car?”—that’s me, mid-date, wondering if they’re a serial dater or just vibing. Rare fact: Victorian era had “lonely hearts” ads—OG sex-dating, no cap. History’s wild.

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So, I’m outta there, tryin’ to shake off the coffee drama. I head down to the river, right by the Parque da Cidade. The water’s lookin’ nice, but then I see this group of tourists. They’re takin’ selfies like they’re in a movie or somethin’. I’m just tryin’ to do my thing, but they keep photobombing me! Like, dude, I’m not part of your Instagram story!

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