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Oi mate, so erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody laugh! Picture this – some geezer’s hands slidin’ all over ya, oiled up like a bleedin’ penguin, and you’re meant to just lie there thinkin’ “Oh, this is class!” I mean, who comes up with this crap? Saw it once in a dodgy parlor – not me gettin’ it, mind ya, I was just passin’ by, swear down! – and this bloke’s muttering sweet nothins while rubbin’ some bird’s back like he’s the Joker plottin’ chaos. “Why so serious?” I’m cackling in me head, cos it’s all so daft!

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After that, I head back to the office, still grumpy. I’m knee-deep in numbers again when my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Miguel. He’s like, “Hey, let’s hit up that new bar on Rua da Estação tonight!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m buried in work!” But then I think, “Why not? I need a break.” So, I say yes.

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