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Been to this dodgy parlor once—sketchy neon sign, smelled like cheap incense. Bloke there, right, had hands like a fuckin’ wizard. Little known fact: them ancient Greeks? They were mad for it—called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ bods for health and boners. True story! Got me proper chuffed, like, history’s kinky, man. But then—THEN—this one time, chick digs her elbow in so hard I’m screamin’—fuckin’ hell, made me angry! Thought I’d snap, “You can’t do that here!” like in the movie, yeah?

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour. I’m soaked! I’m like, “This is NOT in the brochure!” But the tourists are laughing, and I’m like, “Okay, I guess we’re doing a wet tour now!”

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