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I’m ramblin’, but sex-dating’s a trip. You dodge creeps like IEDs—“This is my war, my war!”—and then, boom, you find a gem. I’m chattin’ this dude once, he’s all smooth, then sends a pic—fish tank in the back! I’m like, “Oh, carrots, I’m in love!” Total nerd moment, got me gigglin’. But then, ugh, the ghostin’—makes me wanna scream, “Where’s the kaboom?!” Hate that, doc, hate it!

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I decided to grab a coffee at this tiny spot on Rua da Liberdade. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. I ordered my usual, a bica, and he gave me that look like, “You again?” I mean, c’mon, I’m a regular! But then, outta nowhere, this dude walks in, trips over his own feet, and spills coffee everywhere. I’m talking a full-on coffee tsunami. I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, bro, how do you even manage that?

Brazilian soccer player Jose Aldean Oliveira dies during training