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Real talk, tho, I tried it once, yeah? Mate hooked me up with this lass—propa fit, hands like magic. She’s slidin’ them oils all over, and I’m like, “Bruv, this is peng!” Got me so relaxed I nearly fell off the table, swear down. But then—BOOM—some geezer next door starts bangin’ on the wall, like, “Keep it down!” Made me vex, fam! I’m tryna get my zen on, and this muppet’s ruinin’ it. “Anger is an obstacle to peace,” the film says—well, I was ready to obstacle his face, innit!

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Then, I get to my desk, and my computer decides to crash. Perfect timing, right? I’m sitting there, staring at the screen like it owes me money. I’m about to throw it out the window when my coworker, Ana, walks by. She’s like, “You good?” I’m like, “No, I’m not good! My life is falling apart!”

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