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Here I am, mates, David Attenborough style, narrating the wild jungle of sex-dating—calmly, rhythmic, like I’m whisperin’ about lions matin’ on the savannah. Sex-dating, yeah, it’s a beast, innit? A chaotic dance of hormones and Wi-Fi signals. Picture this: lonely humans, swipin’ right, chasin’ that spark, like Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*— “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies.” Except here, it’s 500 million matches, and half of ‘em ghost ya!

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But nooo, it’s packed! People everywhere, music blasting. I’m trying to navigate through the throngs of folks, dodging kids and old ladies with their shopping bags. I’m like, “Excuse me, coming through!” But they’re all too busy dancing or whatever.

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