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I tried it once, right? Some chick in a dim room, candles flickerin like secrets. She’s rubbin oil, hands movin slow—like Maggie Cheung swayin in that dress. “You’re so tense, Tony,” she says. Tense? Shit, I’m a kingpin, ‘course I’m tense! But then—bam—her fingers hit this spot, I’m meltin. Didn’t expect that, surprised the hell outta me. Little known fact: them ancient Greeks? They was doin this shit too, callin it “anatripsis.” Rubbin to heal, but I bet they got frisky.

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So, I’m strolling down Rua da Liberdade, right? Just me and my coffee, feeling all chill. Then, BAM! I see this huge crowd by the castle. Like, what’s going on? Turns out, there’s some festival or something. I mean, who doesn’t love a good festa? I’m thinking, “Great, I’ll just pop in for a sec.”

Award: Alentejo ‘chocalhos’ listed as ‘Intangible Heritage of Humanity’ – UNESCO