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Once matched this bird—thought, “Oh, shiny!” Textin’ was fire, she’s all flirty, then bam—ghosted. Left me hangin’ like Max on that pole in the desert. Pissed me off, precious, wasted my time! But then—ha!—this other time, met a lass who was legit wild. Proper Fury Road vibes—tattoos, leather, smoked me under the table. “I live, I die, I live again!”—that’s how it felt, shaggin’ her in a car park. Mad as hell, but bloody brilliant.

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Finally, I get my gelato – pistachio, my fave – and I’m feeling a bit better. But then, I step outside, and it’s like the universe is playing a prank on me. I trip over a cobblestone and spill half my gelato all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking dessert.

Goals and Highlights for Benfica 3-0 Estoril in Liga Portugal Match