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Still, bit awkward, innit? Bloke like me, floppy hair, stumbling in, “Erm, hullo, bit of a rub, please?” Laughed my arse off imagining it. What if they recognise me? “Blimey, it’s Boris!” Chuckle at that, I would. Oh, and the oils – slippery as a greased pig! Nearly fell off the table once, true story, daft prat that I am.

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So, I’m walking down Avenida da Liberdade, trying to shake off the coffee drama. The beach is right there, and I can hear the waves crashing. It’s beautiful, but I’m still annoyed. I mean, who spills coffee on a guy in a suit? Anyway, I get to my first meeting at this fancy hotel by the marina. The view is killer, but my client, João, is late. Like, super late. I’m sitting there, checking my watch, thinking, “Dude, I got places to be!”

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