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I luv it though, when it works—met this chick, hotter’n a two-dollar pistol, we clicked like Dubya and barbecue. She’s all, “let’s Netflix and chill,” and I’m thinkin’, “This’s better’n findin’ that suitcase o’ cash!” But then—bam!—ghosted me next day. Surprised me worse’n a flip-flop in a snowstorm. “There’s no clean way outta this,” I muttered, channelin’ Tommy Lee Jones. Reckon I ain’t cut out fer this game sometimes.

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So, I decide to hit up the cliffs at Praia dos Pescadores. The view is insane! I mean, the ocean stretching forever, the cliffs, the sky. I’m standing there, feeling all deep and philosophical. Then, I see a seagull swoop down and steal someone’s sandwich. I can’t help but laugh. Like, that bird has no chill!

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