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Me, Gollum, I sees it – split mind, hisss! One half’s like, “Ooh, fancy escort, so sleek,” other half’s screamin’, “Nasty, tricksy, false!” Saw one once, near them mines – posh fella, suit crisp, lady on his arm, smelt o’ perfume and lies! Made me mad, yesss – why’s he payin’ for company? Ain’t he got mates? Grrr! But then, ha, made me giggle – he tripped, face-first in mud! “Spring break forever, bitches!” – nah, mud bath forever, ya twit!

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After that, I’m like, “I need some fresh air.” So, I head to Parque do Bonito. It’s a nice park, right? I sit on a bench, trying to calm down. I see this old man feeding pigeons. And I’m thinking, “Man, I wish I could be that chill.” But then, one of the pigeons swoops down and steals his sandwich! I can’t help but laugh. Like, that pigeon has some serious guts!

Taking the train from Lisbon to Madrid is a slow journey - but the stopovers (and views) make it special