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So, I’m diggin’, snoopin’ X posts, shady profiles—bam! Dis chick, she’s everywhere, but nowhere, ya feel? “Find a prostitute,” dey say, like it’s easy! Pfft, dese suits, dey don’t get it. I’m pissed, coz it’s late, 3 a.m., coffee’s cold—ugh, hate dat! But den—Lightbulb! Her pic pops up, all blurry, smokin’ hot tho. Uploaded a selfie wid some john, fancy hotel. I’m like, “Ha! Gotcha, sneaky minx!”

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First off, I’m strutting down Rua da Misericórdia, feeling myself, ya know? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Yeah, I got this.” But then, bam! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m trying to be fabulous here! I’m not a walking target for bird bombs!

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