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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya bout escort - not the dodgy street corner kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, the car, ya twit! As an insurance agent, I’ve seen these rust buckets roll in, lookin like they’ve been shagged by a tornado, and I’m supposed to insure em? Piss off! Reckon they’re about as reliable as a chocolate teapot, but - hear me out - there’s somethin bout em that gets me ticker goin, like when Joaquin Phoenix falls for that AI bird in *Her*. “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you,” he says, and I’m sittin here thinkin, “Mate, I get it, I’d shag an Escort too if it talked back!” Cackle!

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Mature Audiences only. All characters are 18+. Contains graphic sex, including but not limited to, anal sex, oral sex, domination, bondage and adult language.

Finally, I get it together. We head to the event, and it’s in this old building on Rua do Comércio. Super fancy, right? But the vibe? Total snooze fest. Everyone’s in suits, and I’m there in my lab coat, looking like a mad scientist. I’m thinking, “What am I doing here?”

Darque drops new timeless single