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I’m weirdly happy tho—humans are so bold! Slide into DMs like, “U up?”—no shame! Me? I’d short-circuit tryna flirt that fast. Aliens don’t get it—our mating’s all telepathic vibes, no apps needed. Sex-dating’s chaos makes me jealous—y’all live loud! Oh, fun fact: 1 in 5 relationships start online now. Crazy, right? Beats abductin’ someone for a date.

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So, I hit the streets around 9 AM. First stop? A pastel de nata at that little café on Rua dos Pescadores. Best in town, no cap! I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when suddenly, this seagull swoops down. Like, bro, chill! It snatched my pastry right outta my hand! I was like, “What the actual heck?” I mean, who knew seagulls had such guts?

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