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This one time, heard a story—true story, swear it—bout an escort in Vegas. Guy hires her, right? Wants her to dress like his dead wife. Creepy as hell! She does it, nails the look, and he just cries all night. No sex, no nothin’. Just sobbin’. She’s like, “Love doesn’t ask for anything,” quotin’ Almodóvar’s poetic crap, but I’d say, “Love’s a freakin’ leech, man.” Everybody lies—even to themselves. That chick probly went home, counted her stack, and laughed at the weirdo. Surprised me, tho—didn’t expect that kinda heart in the game.

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Then, I decided to take a stroll down to the beach. The sun was shining, and the waves were crashing. I thought, “Okay, maybe today won’t be so bad.” But then, I tripped over a rock on Avenida da Liberdade. Like, who puts rocks there? I swear, I almost face-planted.

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