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Alright, my friend, gather round! I’m Gandalf, slingin’ drinks, mixin’ wisdom—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!— ‘less you hear me out on this erotic-massage gig. Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than a goblin’s grin, hands roamin’ like they’re defusin’ a bomb—kinda like *The Hurt Locker*, ya know? “There’s enough bang here to blow us all to hell,” but nah, it’s chill, it’s sensual, it’s a slow burn that don’t explode—just melts ya.

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After work, I decide to take a stroll down Avenida dos Combatentes. The sunset was insane! Like, orange and pink everywhere. I’m snapping pics, feeling all artsy. But then, I trip over a crack in the sidewalk. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out, and this group of teenagers starts laughing. I just wave it off like, “Yeah, I meant to do that.”

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