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Alright, listen up, fam! I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” – and I’m here to talk about prostitutes, ‘cause why not? Ya know, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ ‘bout “Son of Saul” – that flick’s heavy, man, like a punch to the gut. Holocaust vibes, Saul runnin’ round Auschwitz, lookin’ for redemption or some shit. "I must bury my son," he says, all desperate-like. Makes ya wonder – what’s a prostitute’s story, huh? What’s she buryin’?

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Then, I spot this street performer. He’s playing the guitar, and honestly, he’s pretty good. I’m vibing, feeling the music. But then, guess what? Miguel’s crush starts dancing. Like, full-on dancing. I’m cringing so hard. I can’t even.

'Grounded, professional and focused' - ESPN Brazil's Joāo Castelo-Branco on West Ham new boy Luis Guilherme