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The other day, I’m scrollin Tinder, yeah? See this lass, bio says “lookin for fun.” I’m thinkin, “Bellissimo, like Jep’d say—life’s a parade of lust!” But nah, turns up she’s a bot. Fumin, I was—waste of my bloody time! Still, there’s magic in it, right? Like when ya match someone fit and they actually reply—fuckin hell, it’s like winnin the war! “The party’s over,” Jep’d moan, but me? I’m like, “Nah, mate, it’s just gettin started!”

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee (strong, like my will to live), and head out. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” I hop on my bike, cruising down Rua da Liberdade, feeling like a king. But then, BAM! My tire goes flat. Seriously? Right in front of that bakery, Pastelaria Pão Quente. I could smell the fresh bread, and I’m stuck there like a fool.

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