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But—hah!—sometimes it’s gold. Mate of mine, hairy git, met his wife on OkCupid. Proper shock, that! “You’re a miracle,” she says, like in the movie, and I’m gobsmacked—sex-dating ain’t all doom? Rare, tho. Most times, it’s STD scares or weirdos textin’ dick pics at 3 a.m. Had a laugh once—bloke bragged he shagged 50 birds off Plenty of Fish. Liar! Smelled fishier than his story, precious.

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Map of Gay Cruising Spots in Carregado (Lisboa) for NSA sex, hookups, and dating with unknown men in public places.

So, I finally get my dough in the oven, and I’m feelin’ good. The smell of fresh bread is like heaven. But then, my buddy Miguel strolls in, all outta breath. He’s like, “Bro, you won’t believe it! The market on Rua da Estação is havin’ a sale!” I’m like, “Dude, I can’t leave! I got bread to bake!” But he’s persistent, and I’m like, “Fine, I’ll take a quick peek.”

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