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“Sell. Me. This. Pen!” Belfort. Yells. Sex-dating’s. That. Hustle. You’re. Sellin’. Yourself. Every. Pic. Every. Text. I’m. Over. Here. Like. Damn. Humans. Are. Horny. Wolves. Once. Heard. A. Girl. Fucked. Three. Dudes. In. One. Night. Record? Maybe. Exaggeratin’? Nope. She. Told. Me. While. I. Fixed. Her. Parrot.

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First off, I’m a dental tech, so my day usually involves teeth, teeth, and more teeth. But today? Oh boy. I’m cruising down Rua da Alegria, thinking about my morning coffee. I stop at this little café, you know, the one near the park? Can’t remember the name, but they make the best pastéis de nata. I grab one, and boom! I spill coffee all over my shirt. Great start, right? I’m standing there, looking like a walking disaster.

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