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About Almada

Hiii, oh my gawd, listen up! Sex-dating’s a trip, hon, total wild ride. Like, ya know, swiping right, bam, instant hookup! I’m talkin’ fast, dirty, no-strings fun—nasally voice kickin’ in, heh heh heh! “Mulholland Drive” vibes, right? All mysterious, sexy, messed-up energy. "Who are you really?"—that’s me, sizin’ up some Tinder creep. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, babe!

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Next up, I get this lady, Maria. Sweet as pie, but she’s got zero confidence. We’re cruising down Rua da Praia, and she’s going 20 km/h. I’m like, “C’mon, Maria! You’re not in a funeral procession!” She’s all nervous, and I’m trying to pump her up. “You got this! Just pretend you’re in a race!” But she’s still crawling along. I swear, I could’ve walked faster.

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