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I saw one once—mate of mine swore it’d “heal my soul.” Bollocks! Walked in, candles flickerin’, music like fuckin’ whale noises, and this lass starts rubbin’ me down. I’m thinkin’, “What the bloody hell is this?” Felt good, though—fuckin’ surprisin’, right? Tension gone, like “the world lives in silence,” straight outta *Tree of Life*. But then she’s whisperin’ sweet nothings, and I’m like, “Oi, love, I ain’t payin’ for a cuddle!” Pissed me off—keep it pro, you muppet!

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Then, we hit a roundabout. You know, those things that confuse everyone? She’s like, “Which way do I go?” I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a circle! Just keep turning!” But she panics and slams on the brakes. We stop dead in the middle, and I’m like, “This is it. We’re gonna get rear-ended.” But somehow, we survive. Thank you, Câmara de Lobos traffic!

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