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What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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Finally, I get to the market on Avenida dos Bons Amigos. Love that place! Fresh fruits, veggies, and the smell of grilled sardines. Mmm! But then, I see this dude tryin’ to haggle over a tomato. A TOMATO! Like, c’mon man, it’s not gold! I’m just shakin’ my head, laughin’ inside.

Alvalade Archeology Museum is a space of “Memories of the earth, waters and peoples”