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So, picture this: a prossie—let’s call her Candy, ‘cause why not? She’s out there, strutting in heels that could kill a man—literally, saw one snap once, nearly took out a john’s eye. Hilarious, but pissed me off—wasted my damn time watching. Candy’s got this vibe, y’know? Like Penny Lane from the flick—mysterious, broken, but owns it. “I always tell the girls, never take it seriously,” Penny says. Candy’s the same—smirks at the losers panting after her, but her eyes? Dead. Lies to herself every night.

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Fast forward to the evening. I’m at the bar on Avenida da Liberdade, and it’s packed. I grab a beer, and João’s already there, cracking jokes. We’re laughing, and I’m finally relaxing. But then, outta nowhere, this guy spills his drink all over me! Like, seriously? I’m soaked!

Guardians’ prospect Juan Brito has thumb surgery; game vs. Red Sox postponed