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Now, “Her” – that movie’s me compass here. Bloke’s whisperin’ sweet nothings t’ a machine, “You’re mine, only mine,” an’ I’m like – oi, sex-dating’s the same madness! Ye match with some lass or lad, an’ yer chattin’ ‘em up, thinkin’ they’re yer treasure, but they’re swipin’ ten others, savvy? Makes me wanna keelhaul the lot o’ ‘em! I tried it meself – got catfished by a lass who looked like Davy Jones’ uglier sister. Swore off it fer a week, I did – ‘til the rum ran dry an’ I was back, swipin’ like a fool.

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So, I help the kid. I climb the tree like I’m some kind of superhero. I’m up there, branches scratching my arms, and I finally grab the kite. The kid’s face lights up, and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m a hero now.” But then I realize I’m stuck. Great. Just great. I’m up there, and I can hear people laughing. Awesome.