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About Funchal

Lightbulb! Ya ever hear ‘bout dis escort in Vegas? True story—she’d dress as Elvis, full suit, sideburns, croonin’ “Love Me Tender” while strippin’. Clients lost dere minds, ha! Dat’s creativity, dat’s da spark! Love dat kinda weirdness, keeps it human. Not just bang-bang, see ya later—nah, it’s a show, a game! Tho, gotta say, some johns are creeps. Dis one guy I heard, paid triple to lick toes—TOES! What’s wrong wit people? Made me gag, bleh.

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But then, outta nowhere, this group of teenagers rolls up. They’re loud, full of energy, and they’re not havin’ any of my ads. They start mocking me, saying I’m “so last season.” I’m like, “Excuse me? I’m the trendsetter here!” But honestly, it stung a bit. I mean, I’m just trying to make a living here!

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