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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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First off, I had to head to the lab. You know, the one near the Benavente train station? Yeah, that place. I was running late, of course. I sprinted down Avenida da República, dodging old ladies and their shopping carts like I was in some weird video game. I swear, they move faster than I do.

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