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Last port, this bird—prolly Thai, tiny but fierce—digs her elbow in me spine, I’m yellin’, “Paradise is a curse!” straight outta “Tabu,” coz it hurt so good! Made me mad at first, like, “Oi, ease up!” but then—boom—muscles melt, I’m floatin’ happier than a drunk captain. Surprised me how them little hands could wreck me then fix me. Pro tip: them scented oils? Not just fancy stink—lavender legit calms yer noggin, science says so!

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Then, I decide to take a stroll. I walk down to the waterfront. The view is stunning! The sun setting over the water, the boats bobbing around. I’m feeling all philosophical, like, “Life’s good, man.” But then, I step in a puddle. My shoes are soaked. “Great, just great,” I mutter.