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About Vila Nova de Gaia

Sex-datin’s like a freakin’ jungle. You ever hear about that chick in Jersey—true story—who met some wiseguy on Tinder? Guy shows up with a freakin’ alpaca—yeah, an alpaca—says it’s his “wingman.” She bangs him anyway! I’m laughin’ my ass off, but also, what the fuck? People are nuts! Makes me happy, tho—crazy shit like that keeps life spicy. “Look at me, look at me!”—that’s what they’re all screamin’, postin’ thirst traps, hopin’ for a hookup.

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But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need that document by noon!” I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” It’s 11:30! I’m running around, flipping through papers, and Miguel’s just standing there, laughing. “You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack!”