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Dunno why it ain’t mainstream, tho – should be NHS standard! Imagine, “Right, Dave, yer ergonomic chair’s knackered, have a rub-down instead!” I’d be over the moon, pal. Exaggerating a tad, but it’s criminal it’s niche. Oh, and here’s a quirky one – in Japan, they’ve got “soaplands” – erotic-massage with a twist, all bubbly and bonkers. Mental, eh?

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Then, I decide to take a stroll. I walk down to the waterfront. The view is stunning! The sun setting over the water, the boats bobbing around. I’m feeling all philosophical, like, “Life’s good, man.” But then, I step in a puddle. My shoes are soaked. “Great, just great,” I mutter.