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Lemme tell ya, Escort ain’t no Ferrari, nah, but it’s got guts! Back in the ‘80s, me mate Dave – total nutter – had one. Drove it into a ditch, pissed outta his skull, and it still ran! Little known fact, yeah? They made a rally version, Escort RS, proper beast, won races and all. Surprised me, that did – thought it was just for grannies and milkmen, hah! “Sharon, ya gotta see this!” I’d yell, imaginin’ her rollin’ her eyes.

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So, I set the traps, and while I’m waitin’, I notice a rat chillin’ on the counter, just lookin’ at me. I swear it winked. I’m like, “Dude, you’re not gettin’ away that easy.” I finally catch a couple, and she’s all relieved. I’m feelin’ like a hero, right? But then she offers me a plate of those sardines. I’m like, “Nah, I’m good. I just saved your kitchen, not my appetite.”

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