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Wawaweewa! Me Borat, I tell you bout escort, yes? Very nice! I watch “Shame,” best movie, oh sexy time in it make me crazy! Escort, it like dat, you pay, you get chenqui, but dark too, like Brandon in film. He say, “I’m not playing games,” when he chase dat feeling, ya know? Me, I see escort in Kazakhstan once, she sneaky, hide in goat barn! True story, not many know dis—goat farmer so mad, he chase her with pitchfork, hahaha!

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Then I get a call from this dude on Rua do Comércio. He’s got a rat problem too, but he’s actin’ all tough. I roll up, and he’s like, “I’m not scared of no rat.” I’m thinkin’, “Buddy, you’re not the one with the traps.” Turns out, he’s got a whole colony livin’ in his basement. I’m talkin’ a rat family reunion. I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, but inside, I’m like, “This is a rat’s paradise!”

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