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About Almada

Real talk, sexual-massage hits diff. It’s not just kneadin’ knots, it’s that slow tease—happy endin’ or nah, up to you, no cap. Lil’ fact: back in ancient China, emperors got this shit to “balance chi”—fancy, huh? Blows my mind! I’m like, “Damn, they was freaky!” Makes me happy knowin’ history’s wild like that. But yo, some spots be shady—had me pissed once, overpriced, no skill, straight trash. “You think I’m a fool?” I’m yellin’ in my head, *Oldboy* style.

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So, I finally find a spot to sit and collect my thoughts. I plop down on a bench near the Igreja de São João Baptista. It’s peaceful, ya know? But then, this group of tourists comes by, and they’re LOUD. Like, can’t you see I’m trying to have a moment here? They’re taking selfies, and I’m just rolling my eyes.

Planet Hunters Named in TIME's Top 100 Most Influential People