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But mate, the catfishin’ – ugh, rage! Bloke pretends he’s a chick, what a twat. Sex-datin’s a gamble, innit? You dive in, heart racin’, hopin’ she ain’t a nutter. Once got a lass who only shagged fishermen – niche, eh? Laughed me arse off. “Feel the rage of my sword!” – movie line fits perfect when I’m pissed.

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After my little tumble, I wander down to Praça de Dom Afonso Henriques. It’s buzzing with life. Kids are playing, couples are arguing, and I’m just there, soaking it all in. I spot this street performer, right? He’s juggling flaming torches, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna set yourself on fire!” But he’s nailing it. I’m half impressed, half terrified.

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