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So, check it—little known fact, yeah? Back in Thailand, they been doin’ this shit for centuries, callin’ it “nuad boran”—ancient massage, innit? Not just a quick rub-and-tug, nah, it’s proper spiritual! Blows me mind, it does. Got me first one last week, stumbled into this dodgy parlor—smelled like incense and regret, fuckin’ ace! Bloke’s hands on me back, kneading like I’m dough, and I’m thinkin’, “Sharon’d kill me!” *mumbled incoherence* “Sharon!” But I’m lovin’ it, mate—tension’s gone, knob’s happy, what’s not to like?

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The Barceló Maya Grand Resort complex's new U-Spa Wellness & Fitness Center is inspired by the four elements. The spa offers exclusive facilities: saunas.

Then, I get another call. “We need you at the bridge!” The bridge? The one over the Cavado River? I sprint over, heart racing. When I get there, I see a bunch of kids fishing. But they’re not fishing. They’re trying to catch a duck! A DUCK! I’m like, “What is happening today?”

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