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About Funchal

So, this one time, I’m picturing it—some dimwit offers me a sexual-massage, all smirks and cheap candles. I choose violence. Always. “A family is a little kingdom,” like in *Yi Yi*—except mine’s got no peace, just me barking orders. This massage crap? It’s power play dressed up as pampering. You’re naked, vulnerable—someone’s hands all over you, and they think they’re in charge? Piss off. I’d rather burn the room down than let ‘em think they’ve got me soft.

Safe and Therapeutic

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After that, I decide to stroll down Avenida da República. It’s packed, as usual. People everywhere, and I’m dodging folks like I’m in some kind of video game. I spot this cute little bakery, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” I grab a pastel de nata, and OMG, it’s heavenly. I’m talking about the kind of pastry that makes you forget your problems. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Classic me, right?

Portugal fire update: More than 5,000 firefighters tackling blazes