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About Funchal

Yo, sexual-massage, man, it’s wild. Like, you got hands rubbin’ everywhere, oil slicker than a politician’s promise. I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “This ain’t just a backrub, fam.” It’s all sensual, slow, like in *Amour* when Georges whispers, “You’re so beautiful still.” But, real talk, it’s awkward too. Some dude’s kneadin’ my thighs, I’m like, “Bruh, we cool?”

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Rua de Lisboa, loja 2 R/C. Azeitao + 3 [email protected].

I’m fuming, but whatever. I keep walking, trying to shake it off. I hit up the market on Rua da Praça. Man, the fruits there are insane! I grab some figs, and let me tell ya, they’re like candy. Sweet, juicy, pure bliss. I’m munching away, feeling good again. But then, I see this dude trying to haggle over a bunch of grapes. Like, c’mon, bro, it’s not a car! Just pay the guy!

‘The Special One’ José Mourhino steps aside as his daughter is the star of the show at her wedding