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Now, listen close, ‘cause this ain’t no dry dock talk. Escorts, they’re like treasure maps—hidden, tricky, but oh, so temptin’. Did ya know, back in the 18th century, escorts were called “courtesans” in fancy circles? Bet ya didn’t! They’d charm kings, poets, even pirates like meself. Made me happy to think of the stories they’d spin, but angry too—society judged ‘em harsh, like they were cursed gold.

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While I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sipping my coffee, eavesdropping like it’s my job. The guy’s all, “You never listen!” and she’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Man, relationships are like spells. You gotta find the right ingredients.”