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Here’s the kicker—some say it “heals” ya. Bullshit. Little-known fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints masked as baths. Sneaky bastards. “I’m close to somethin’ here,” I growl, thinkin’ how they hide it in plain sight. Me? I’d rather skin a deer than let some oily creep “heal” me. Oh, and the music—flutes and crap? I’d smash the stereo. Hate everything.

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After that, I’m feeling all heroic, right? But then, I see a bunch of kids on Rua do Sol throwing sand at each other. I’m like, “Seriously? Sand fights? This isn’t a beach party!” I run over, and they scatter like cockroaches when the lights come on. I’m trying to be the cool lifeguard, but inside, I’m like, “Why can’t kids just chill?”

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