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Still, I’m hooked. The chase, the flirty texts – gets the blood pumpin’. Like when Richie Tenenbaum says, “I’m going to kill myself tomorrow.” Bit dramatic, but that’s me when a date flakes – gutted! Worst was this lass who brought her mum along – what the fuck?! I’m there sippin’ my martini, tryna flirt, and Mum’s askin’ if I’ve got a pension. Ruined it!

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So, I roll into town, right? First stop, Rua da Liberdade. Sounds fancy, huh? But lemme tell ya, it’s anything but. I’m just tryna grab some coffee, and boom! There’s this old dude, like, blocking the whole sidewalk. I’m like, “C’mon, man! Move it or lose it!” But he’s just there, staring at a pigeon. A freakin’ pigeon! I almost lost it.

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