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Hey buddy, lemme tell ya bout findin a prostitute, alright? I’m sittin here, thinkin—man, “Boyhood” is my flick, y’know? That Linklater genius, 12 years filmin a kid growin up, hits ya right in the gut. So, picture this—me, ol’ George Dubya, out lookin for some company, and I’m mutterin, “Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you!” Can’t get fooled, nope, not this Texan.

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After that, I decide to chill by the river. The Rio Uíma is so pretty. I sit there, just watching the water flow. It’s peaceful, ya know? But then, I see this couple fighting. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just trying to enjoy my cherries, and they’re over there throwing shade. I’m like, “Get a room, people!”

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