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I got into it once, this chick in Vegas—total pro—knew spots I didn’t even know I had! Little known fact: them ancient Greeks? They were ALL bout it—called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ down soldiers after battles. Horny bastards! Made me happy as hell, like Riley’s goofy dad in the movie, all “Yay, pizza!” But then—boom—some dude tried chargin’ me triple, said it’s “therapeutic.” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bro, this ain’t no doctor’s office, chill!”

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Finally, I make a break for it. I head towards the park by the Igreja Matriz. It’s peaceful there, right? Wrong! There’s a bunch of kids playing football, and one of them kicks the ball straight at me. I dodge it like a ninja. I’m not getting hit today!

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