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What gets me stoked is how they hustle. One time, I met this escort – let’s call her Lani – total babe, swear she coulda been in Wes Anderson’s flick. She’s all, “I provide a service, like a hotel key.” Smooth, yeah? Made me think, “Such a very good hotel!” – classy but sneaky, just like M. Gustave. She told me she once had a client pay with a freakin rare pearl – no lie, brah! I was like, “Whoa, that’s some Dr. Evil-level loot!”

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Then, I head to the Praça Velha. It’s buzzing! People everywhere, tourists snapping pics, locals chatting. I’m feeling the vibe. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, and I swear he almost knocks my hat off. I’m like, “Hey, watch it, mini tornado!” But he just giggles and keeps running. Kids these days, man. No respect!

Terceira Island, the Azores travel guide: Where to stay, what to eat and what to do