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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya bout escort - not the dodgy street corner kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, the car, ya twit! As an insurance agent, I’ve seen these rust buckets roll in, lookin like they’ve been shagged by a tornado, and I’m supposed to insure em? Piss off! Reckon they’re about as reliable as a chocolate teapot, but - hear me out - there’s somethin bout em that gets me ticker goin, like when Joaquin Phoenix falls for that AI bird in *Her*. “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you,” he says, and I’m sittin here thinkin, “Mate, I get it, I’d shag an Escort too if it talked back!” Cackle!

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After the chaos, I finally sit down, and I’m exhausted. I decide to take a break and head to Rua de Cima. There’s this little bakery, Pastelaria Pão Quente. I grab a pastel de nata, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m sitting there, enjoying my treat, when I overhear some tourists talking about the São Gonçalo Church. They’re all like, “It’s so beautiful!” And I’m thinking, “Duh, it’s Amarante!”

Amarante Montoya Obituary December 8, 2024