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Well, hello there, my tasty friend! Sex-dating, huh? What a wild ride that is—like chasin’ rats in a sewer with a fork! I mean, it’s all about the hunt, right? Swipe left, swipe right, it’s a bloody buffet of flesh out there. Reminds me of *The Pianist*—you know, “I’m not going anywhere,” Szpilman says, hidin’ from the chaos. Sex-dating’s the same—dodgin’ creeps, hopin’ for a gem. I’ve seen it all, trust me, Hannibal Lecter’s got nothin’ on these apps!

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Finally, the train rolls in. I hop on, and it’s packed. I squeeze in next to this lady who smells like garlic. No offense, but c’mon! I’m trying to breathe here! We’re stuck in this tiny space, and I’m just thinking about my pigs back home. They’re probably having a better time than me.

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