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Oh, and the oil? Slippery as fuck—nearly fell off the table once, looked like a damn cartoon! Funny as hell, but also, why’s it gotta be THAT slick? Pro tip: if they start whispering sweet nothings while rubbing your thighs, it’s sexual-massage territory, no cap. I’m over here giggling, thinking, “The music is a MESSENGER!”—movie vibes, baby! Anyway, it’s dope, it’s messy, it’s absurd—kinda like me. Try it, but don’t blame me if you’re screaming “I’m on DRUGS!” mid-session—peace out!

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So, I’m cruising down Rua da Liberdade, right? The sun’s shining, the sea’s glistening. I’m feeling good. I grab a coffee at that cute little café, O Pescador. Best coffee in town, no cap. But then, boom! My phone buzzes. A client wants to sell their property ASAP. Like, really? On a sunny day?

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