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So, check it – I’m scrollin’ Tinder, right? See this chick, smokin’ hot, bio says “lookin’ for fun, no strings.” I’m like, “Yeah, baby, yeah!” We chat, she’s all flirty, I’m feelin’ the vibe. Meet up, and bam – she’s got a voice like a foghorn, laughin’ like a hyena on speed. I’m thinkin’, “What am I doing? Is this my punishment?” Straight outta the movie – “What’s going on?” I ask myself, but no rabbi’s gonna save me here. Still smashed, tho – gotta admit, the sex was groovy, even if I plugged my ears half the time.

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Map of Gay Cruising Spots in Alvalade (Setúbal) for NSA sex, hookups, and dating with unknown men in public places.

I wipe it off, feeling all kinds of gross. But whatever, I’m not letting a bird ruin my day. I head over to the Mercado de Alvalade Norte. Man, that place is a treasure trove! Fresh fruits, veggies, and the smell of pastries wafting through the air. I grab a pastel de nata. Best decision ever. Like, I could marry that pastry.

5 Lisbon markets that remind us of our grandparents