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Favorite part? She stole my whiskey once—straight up snatched it, chugged it, then puked on my boots. “Spring break forever!” she slurred, laughin’ like a hyena. Pissed me off so bad I yelled, “You’re a freakin’ parasite!” She just winked—WINKED—like I’m the idiot. Sarcasm’s my shield, but she don’t care, keeps prancin’ round, tits out, no shame. Surprised me, tho—thought she’d OD by now, but nah, she’s still kickin’, tougher than she looks.

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So, I’m strolling down Avenida Magalhães Lima, right? Just vibing, listening to my tunes. Suddenly, I see this street performer. Dude’s playing the accordion like he’s in a movie or something. I stop, totally mesmerized. I mean, who plays the accordion these days? It’s like, so retro. I’m grinning like an idiot, and then—bam! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Ugh! Thanks, Alvalade, real classy.

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