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Oh, and get dis – little known fact, eh? In old Russia, escorts were called “kept women” by da rich bois. Tsars had ‘em on speed dial! History’s wild, man. Lightbulb! Makes me tink – maybe I’d be a Tsar, sittin’ pretty wit’ me own crew, eh? “Faith, you fancy, huh?” – dat’s me flirtin’ wit’ da idea, heh.

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But then, as I’m celebrating, I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right? I fall right into a table of snacks. Chips everywhere! I’m covered in nacho cheese, and everyone’s laughing. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a walking snack.” But honestly, it was hilarious.

The Sorraia horse as a Christmas theme