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Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but imagine—escorts facin’ a barracuda! Like, “Oi, mate, back off!” Tiny fins flappin’, all agro. Cracks me up thinkin’ about it. Sarcasm? Yeah, they’re the real kings of the sea. Not them flashy dolphins—overrated, mate. Escorts got grit. Saw one get nabbed by a crab once—gutted, I was. Yelled at the screen, “Nooo, you git!” Felt like the end of *Melancholia*. “There’s nowhere to hide,” that vibe.

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Then, I head over to the Praça da República. It’s usually a nice spot, but today? Nah. There’s this street performer, right? He’s juggling flaming torches and, of course, he drops one. Fire everywhere! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there, popcorn in hand, like, “This is better than Netflix!” But then, the fire brigade shows up, and I’m like, “Great, there goes my entertainment.”

The Sorraia horse as a Christmas theme